Sometimes I get frustrated talking to the younger generation. Generally, I get on well with people younger than myself because I'm a youthful, spirited person, always have been. Getting old before my time has always scared the shit out of me.
I was speaking to a chap I work with the other day about why some people are "the way they are".
The woman we were talking about can be perceived as being fucking miserable by all accounts. Whether it's an age or a maturity thing I'm not sure but his response to this person's apparent bad behaviour was, "I can't stand her, why can't she just be happy!"
I could see his point. Some humans just drain the energy out of you and the thought of spending any time with them makes you want to beat your head against a curb. And to be frank some people are just arseholes for what appears to be for no reason. In my ever advancing years on this earth I feel I'm becoming much more tolerant and understanding of those I don't click with. Ten years ago I would have shared his view, "Why can't she just be happy?"
It got me thinking about what shapes us and makes us the way we are. We don't come out of the womb miserable or angry, rather we start off naïve and immature and that can last well into our 20's (or longer), we get battered from pillar to post and end up the way we are, for good and bad. Life is like a pinball machine.
I've been guilty of perceiving certain traits about people to be true when they weren't and on the flip side I've been on the receiving end of other's incorrect perceptions about me. That will always happen, It's standard human behaviour. When I go to quickly judge someone now I try to stop myself and say, "You've been really fucking wrong about this stuff before so make more of an effort and don't judge people until you know more about them." Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but at least the intent is there.
Unfortunately one of my favourite pastimes is sitting in Starbucks with a vanilla latte and human- watching from the window, making quick assumptions about poor old souls I don't know! However, that's for fun in the moment, nothing too serious. "Seriously, that hat makes you look like a twat." See, nothing serious.
But when it comes to people and their true characters and identities, mostly we are the way we are because of what's happened to us. Bad relationships, good relationships, shit jobs, good jobs, messed up families, illness.....whatever. There's always a "why" but most of the time we don't dig deep enough below the top layer to find it. I guess we are all just too busy, too busy to care enough.
It reminds me of music. You may say a certain artist is rubbish or you hate a specific song but there might come a time in your life where that song becomes one of your favourites. Sure, Adele wailing on and on about broken love may not be your cup of tea when you've just got married, won the lottery or welcomed a child into your family but when you've just fucked up the best relationship you've ever had and you're downing Stella by the pint load alone in your local boozer, that girl's words may start resonating a bit more with you.
"It's all about a moment in time and WHO you are in that moment in time."
Personally I also get annoyed when people criticise "depressing" music. Depressing music DOESN'T exist, it's your perception of it. Maybe you haven't experienced real low points in your life where you would find comfort in that kind of musical landscape but millions of others have. Not everyone can be the same. Me? I find more happiness in "depressing" music than I do in "happy" music because of what I've experienced in my life. It does not make me depressed, quite the opposite.
So my point? Is this person just an arsehole and likes to be an arsehole? Or is she the way she is for reasons beyond our knowledge and we should just accept her, misery and all?
Contrary to my friend's naivety, we can't all, "just be happy!" as beautiful as that sounds, but our perceptions can be very dangerous in many cases.
I look forward to speaking to him in 20 years to see if he still feels the same. My bet is he won't but he still won't want to work with her.
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